I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Gardening rule: when weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant, is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Have you noticed since everyone has a comcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFO’s like they used to?
In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were burried in for eternity?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Hehe! Have a great weekend!
