Dis alweer Vrydag! En gister was glo Guy Fawkes … ekt skoon vergeet daarvan. Niks gehoor in ons buurt nie. Was daar ‘n geraas by julle?

Gisteraand sit ek en laai foto’s van ‘n memory card af. Dit was nog al die tyd in die ou kamera wat se lens nie wil oop nie, omdat dit vol see-sand is. En ek kom net nie so ver om die ding te gaan ingee erens om reggemaak te word nie.

Anyways, ek ontdek toe ‘n paar vreemde foto’s waarvan ek al vergeet het.  Toe ek hierdie sien, onthou ek hoeveel pret ons gehad het met die wdf issit en please explain the image foto’s. En toe reken ek, hoekom maak ons dit nie ook pret nie?

Verduidelik vir my hierdie – wat dink jy het gebeur? Dan kyk ons wie kom die naaste aan die regte storie – want die ene ken ek! Jy kan natuurlik ook maar heel simpel wees en jou verbeelding vrye teuels gee … dit moet fun wees afterall!

GO GO GO – en kom maak sommer ‘n draai inni Kroeg vir ‘n loopdop! Geniet die naweek – ruk af jou bra en al daai, en dit wat Demoerin ook altyd sê  ! 

O ja – en hierdie storie by Die Werf MOET julle gaan lees! Skreeusnaaks!

Katte en tieners het nogal baie in gemeen.  Dit sal die van julle wat tieners in die huis het, weet. En vir die wat nog daai paadjie moet stap, ‘n paar dinge om ingedagte te hou:

 

• Nie jou tiener of jou kat sal eers in jou rigting kyk as jy hulle roep nie
• Maak nie saak wat jy vir hulle doen nie, dit sal nooit genoeg wees nie. Geen poging sal goed genoeg wees om te vergoed vir die voorreg wat jy het om hulle hand en voet te bedien nie.
• Dit gebeur baie selde dat jy ‘n kat saam met ‘n volwassene buite sien rondloop – en daarom wil geen tiener by sy volle verstand saam met sy ouers op straat gesien word nie.
• Maak ook nie saak of jy ‘n grappie beter as die ouens op Maak ‘n Las kan vertel nie, nie jou kat of tiener sal eers ‘n mondhoek trek nie.
• Jou kat en tiener deel glad nie jou musieksmaak nie.
• Katte en tieners kan vir ure op die sitkamerbank lê sonder om te beweeg – maak af en toe seker dat hulle nog asemhaal.
• Katte het 9 lewens – tieners tree op asof hulle 9 lewens het.
• Katte en tieners gaap op presies dieselfde manier – met ‘n gevoel van uiterste en algehele verveeldheid.
• Katte en tieners is nie bevorderlik vir die toestand van enige meubels nie.
• Katte wat vry is om rond te loop, sluip soms in die middel van die nag in jou kamer in en sit ‘n dooie rot op jou bedmatjie neer. Tieners is nie verhewe bo hierdie gedrag nie.

As jy dus nog tieners moet grootmaak, sal jy nie die beste advies by ander ouers kry nie, maar by die vee-arts.  Dis ook slim om ‘n handboek oor kat gewoontes byderhand te hou.

En onthou – sit genoeg kos uit, en moenie skielike bewegings in hulle rigting maak nie.  Hulle sal self besluit wanneer en vir hoe lank hulle toenadering kom soek by jou – en daardie oomblikke moet jy waardeer – dis yl en wyd verspreid!

Ruk af jou bra
Laat niks oppie aarde jou pla
Los jou hare vuil
Kap jou groente met ‘n byl
Drink kleurige drankies
Lê leeg op publieke bankies
Trek gesig vir jou man
Want jy kan

Lê rond en wees sleg
Dis jou vroulike reg
Steek tong uit vi jou kinners
Snuif ‘n bietjie thinners
Rook boom
Hou jouself geensins in toom
Laat jou beenhare groei
Ry op ‘n koei
Skakel af jou kop
Gooi nog ‘n dop

Poep hard innie straat
Wees ten volle on-paraat
Eet kerrie
Gedra jou soos ‘n flerrie
Dis jou dag dié
Wanne even jy innie tuin kan peee
Druk jou irritasies ‘n pit
Laat niemand op jou kop sit
Vlieg hoog
Lê laag
Sit ‘n horrible tattoo op jou maag

Dra rooi oorbelle
Hang blink goeters aan die ander los velle
Celebrate jouself as vrou
Niemand hoef vandag van jou te hou!
Kou ‘n chappy
But whatever you do, JUST BE HAPPY!!!!!

En hoekom nie girls??

Thanx Lappr – ons mis jou inni Kroeg …

Niks meer is nodig om te sê nie, behalwe BULLE BO!

Wassit nie GREAT NIE??? WHOOO-HOOO!!!

First of all, you’ll need ingredients

- 12 cases of beer (Black Label)
- 9 bottles of Klippies
- 4 2lt Cokes (for mix)
- 4 2lt Coke Lights (for the tjerries and vet Gert)
- 1 bottle of Sourz (for the tjerries and your wife’s moffie cousin [there is always a moffie cousin])
- 3 5lt Late Harvest papsakke (for the tjerries)
- 1 Springbok (they’re useless anyway)
- 5 meters of Kaas Wors (from Slaghuis)
- 5kg tjops (from  Slaghuis)
- 5kg T-bone (from Pick ‘n Pay)
- At least 5 tjerries (to stand in the kitchen and make salad and prepare the buns and all that kak)
- 1 Half gallon drum braai
- 10 bags of Charka
- 4 boxes of Blitz
- January  - August  ”Boxburg Expresses ”
- 1 hose pipe
- 1 bucket


Saturday:
05:00: Throw 2 bags of charka, January through March’s Expresses and a half a box of Blitz in the drum, and light the mofo – for a good solid braai foundation..
05:35: Open 1 bottle of Klippies and one 2lt Coke.
06:15: Mutter to yourself that you’re sure they’re making the Klippies bottles smaller these days, and crack open a beer.
06:20: Go check that no one stole the meat from under your carport during the night.
06:30: Beer
06:35: Beer
06:45: Sms your mates to tell them “Today’s going to be a fo$%en jol china!!”
06:55: Explain to your mom that you accidentally sms’ed her and that you would never swear at her.
07:00: Beer
07:20: Microwave some of last night’s Mac n Cheese for breakfast.
08:00: Wake up your goose so that she can go spinning.
08:30: Walk around the house (and yard) naked while you’re goose is at spinning class, making sure that everything is going good. – Check on the fire.
08:45: Gooi in another bag of Charka and the rest of the first box of Blitz.
09:15: Explain to your goose that the reason you’re walking around naked is to get rid of your snoring problem – You read this in Men’s Health
10:00: Give her money to go buy buns and stuff for the slaai.
10:15: Stop arguing and give her more money to get her hair done.
10:20: Give her your credit card.
10:30: Sit down to watch some tv and have a few beers.
11:30: Wonder where the first case of beer went, take one from the second case.
12:30: Look at your 7 cases of beer and decide that it should still be enough for the guys.
12:55: Tell your goose that you only had 1 or 2 beers and that she shouldn’t moan so much.
13:00: Vet Gert and his goose arrive – open 2nd bottle of Klippies and the Coke light, and open 1 papsak for his wife.
13:45: Feel a slight buzz.
14:30: Look at the 3rd bottle of Klippies and squint.
14:45: Feel buzzed more.
15:00: By this time should be everyone there.
15:15: Charka another bag of throw on the braai and open a beer.
15:30: Kak praat and beer
15:45: Ask the tjerries if the ready is buns and the buttered is slaai.
16:00: Klippies praat and kak
16:30: Arm wrestling competitions with moffie the cousin
16:50: Say to everyone that you win him let.
16:55: Suck petrol out of Vet Car’s Gert to just in case..
17:15: Give the Springbok a USN endorsement and let him go (Tee hee).
17:30: Meat the rest of the braai on the put and beer another have.
18:00: The more needs to fire burn, get the petrol.
18:45: ARWYP Medical Centre – Burn grade 1st wounds.
19:30: House at back – Gert thank for beer open another braaing and the 6th bottle of Klippies.
20:30: Open Sourz bottle of 8th and hand Klippies out shooters of.
21:00: Tell love that you everyone them, especially Gert Vet Wife and your Vet Wife.
21:30: Finish the last beer of Klippies and case of bottle.
22:15: ARWYP Cedical Mentre – Stomach Pump

Sunday:
03:45: Eat.

Onthou tog om tussendeur die rugby te kyk! GO BULLE!

Hierdie song is vir my seer mooi …

5 Techniques to Make Her Wild with Desire

Between being married a long time, and also being a woman, I can tell you
guys that there are certain things you can do to make your wife swoon. They
aren’t difficult, anyone can do them and they are some of the sexiest things
I can think of…and I have quite the imagination…

So. Are you ready? Are you all that is man? Wipe that drop of drool from
the corner of your mouth and read on….

Technique #1 : Wet Hands

Yep, it is the wet hands technique. Certainly one of the most popular among
most women polled for this article. So simple. So exciting. You will leave
her breathless.
• Fill the kitchen sink up with hot water and add a few drops of a scented
dish liquid. Not too many, you don’t want it to be harsh. There are many
very nice scents out now, from vanilla and lavender to grapefruit. It is
completely up to you.
• With a soft cloth in your hands plunge your hands into the water and get
the cloth very wet.
• Now, moving slowly and gently place a dish in the water and rub the cloth
across the surface of it..over and over again.
• Place the dish in clean rinse water and repeat until she is moaning with
pleasure.

Technique #2: Vibrate Me Baby

This technique utilizes what many women think of as toys… It is a little
more difficult and takes a little more muscle. Extra credit on this one if
you wear a black “wife beater” shirt at the same time. Are you man enough?

• Carefully pull the vacuum out of where it has been stored. You know you
want to.
• Plug it in and push all the right buttons.
• Slowly move back and forth and back and forth across the carpet, you will
know when to move to a new spot.
• Move to the next spot and repeat as long as it takes to get results.

Technique #3 : The Wet T Shirt Game

This game is pretty easy, although you will have to think quickly while in
the midst of getting your game on. If you can handle the amount of
agitation and vibration in the first few minutes you will be o.k. Until the
end.
• You will need two piles…no I did not say poles, I said piles.
• Put everything white and light colored in one and everything dark colored
in the other.
• Fill the washing machine with warm water and laundry soap (this is
imperative…use the amount suggested by the manufacturer).
• Add the light pile. Close the lid.
• Write her a love letter about how great her eyes are while you are waiting
for it to finish
• Repeat with the dark colors except use cold water.
• Quick note: If your wife is screaming “Yes! Yes! Yes!” Don’t stop what you
are doing..that is called domesticus interruptus and it really is
frustrating for women.

Technique #4: What Goes Up Must Come Down

This is best used as a quickie, whether in the middle of the night or during
a chaotic afternoon. She can’t say no to this.
• When you put the toilet seat up….put it back down.
• Every time.

I know…I know.. You almost can’t take any more verbal titillation. Good
thing this is a short list. This last one is amazing. It is
incredible…it definitely saves the best for last.

Technique #5: Tonight It’s Oral Gratification

This will take some time to master. Work on it while using other techniques
several times a week and then just expose your big secret to her when she
least expects it. If you already know this technique you should be using it
to it’s full potential by adding to your repertoire of tricks.
• Learn to cook a whole meal.
• When she has had a particularly rough day run her a bath, preferably
aromatic with LUSH bath stuff.
• While she is bathing fix your incredible dinner (hot dogs and popcorn does
not count)
• While she is still relaxed from the bath and satiated with dinner proceed
to technique #1.

You don’t have to thank me…no..really.

Bron

Jaaa, sorry vir die copy-job … my muse het ‘n trippie gevat saam met die verlore sokkies

Ene wat al so ‘n rukkie die rondtes doen – net elke keer in ‘n ander gedaante. Maar dit bly baie snaaks vir my – hoop julle geniet dit ook. Daar bly maar iets spesiaals aan ons Suid Afrikaners …

In preparation for next year’s World Cup, tourists need to brush up on their Sarf Efrican

Braai
What is a braai? It is the first thing you will be invited to when you
visit South Africa. A braai is a backyard barbecue and it will take place
whatever the weather. So you will have to go even if it’s raining like mad.
At a braai you will be introduced to a substance known as mieliepap.

Ag
This one of the most useful South African words. Pronounced like the “ach”
in the German “achtung”, it can be used to start a reply when you are asked
a tricky question, as in: “Ag, I don’t know.” Or a sense of resignation:”Ag
OK, I’ll have some more mieliepap then.” It can stand alone too as a signal
of irritation.

Donner
A rude word, it comes from the Afrikaans “donder” (thunder). Pronounced
“dorner”, it means “beat up.” A team member in your rugby team can get
donnered in a game, or your wife can donner you if you come back from a
braai at three in the morning.

Eina
Widely used by all language groups, this word, derived from the Afrikaans,
means “ouch.” Pronounced “aynah”. You can say it in sympathy when you see your friend the day after he got donnered by his wife.

Hey
Often used at the end of a sentence to emphasize the importance of what
has just been said, as in “You’re only going to get donnered if you come in
late again, hey?” It can also stand alone as a question. Instead of saying
“excuse me?” or “pardon me?” when you have not heard something directed at you, you can always say: “Hey?”

Izit?
This is another great word to use in conversations. Derived from the two
words “is” and “it”, it can be used when you have nothing to contribute if
someone tells you something at a braai. For instance, if someone would say:
“The Russians will succeed in their bid for capitalism once they adopt a
work ethic and respect for private ownership.” It is quite appropriate to
respond by saying: “Izit?”

Ja well no fine
This is another conversation fallback. Derived from the four words: “yes”,
“well”, “no” and fine”, it roughly means “OK”. If your bank manager tells
you your account is overdrawn, you can, with confidence, say:
“Jawelnofine.”

Klap
Pronounced “klup” – an Afrikaans word meaning smack, whack or spank. If
you spend too much time in front of the TV during exam time, you could end
up getting a “klap” from your mother. In America , that is called child
abuse. In South Africa , it is called promoting education. But to get
“lekker geklap” is to get motherlessly drunk.

Lekker
An Afrikaans word meaning nice, this word is used by all language groups
to express approval. If you enjoyed a braai thoroughly, you can say: “Now
that was lekk-errrrrrr!” while drawing out the last syllable.

Tackies
These are sneakers or running shoes. The word is also used to describe
automobile or truck tyres. “Fat tackies” are really wide tyres, as in:
“You’ve got lekker fat tackies on your Vôlla, hey?”

Dop
This word has two basic meanings, one good and one bad. First the good: A
dop is a drink, a cocktail, a sundowner, a noggin. When invited for a dop,
be careful! It could be one sedate drink or a blast, depending on the
company. Now the bad: To dop is to fail. If you “dopped” standard two
(Grade 4) more than once, you probably won’t be reading this.

Saamie
This is a sandwich. For generations, school- children have traded
“saamies” during lunch breaks. In South Africa you don’t send your kid to
school with liver-polony saamies. They are impossible to trade.

Bakkie
This word is pronounced “bucky” and can refer to a small truck or pick-up.
If a young man takes his “girl” (date) in a bakkie it could be considered
as a not so “lekker” form of transport because the seats can’t recline.

Howzit
This is a universal South African greeting, and you will hear this word
throughout the country. It is often accompanied with the word “Yes!” as in:
“Yes, howzit?”. In which case you answer “No, fine.”

Now now
In much of the outside world, this is a comforting phrase: “Now now, it’s
really not so bad.” But in South Africa , this phrase is used in the
following manner: “Just wait, I’ll be there now now.” It means “a little
after now”.

Tune grief
To be tuned grief is to be aggravated, harassed. For example, if you argue
with somebody about a rugby game at a braai and the person had too much dop (is a little “geklap”), he might easily get aggravated and say.: “You’re
tuning me grief, hey!”. To continue the argument after this could be unwise
and result in major tuning of grief..

Boet
This is an Afrikaans word meaning “brother” which is shared by all
language groups. Pronounced “boot” but shorter, as in “foot”, it can be
applied to a brother or any person of the male sex. For instance a father
can call his son “boet” and friends can apply the term to each other too.
Sometimes the diminutive “boetie” is used. But don’t use it on someone you
hardly know – it will be thought patronizing and could lead to you getting
a “lekker klap”.

Pasop
From the Afrikaans phrase meaning “Watch Out!”, this warning is used and
heeded by all language groups. As in: “The boss hasn’t had his coffee yet -
so you better pasop boet” Sometimes just the word “pasop!” is enough
without further explanation. Everyone knows it sets out a line in the sand
not to be crossed.

Skop, Skiet en donner
Literally “kick, shoot and thunder”, this phrase is used by many South
African speakers to describe action movies. A Clint Eastwood movie is
always a good choice if you’re in the mood for of a lekker skop, skiet en
donner flick.

Vrot
Pronounced – “frot”. A expressive word which means “rotten” or “putrid” in
Afrikaans, it is used by all language groups to describe anything they
really dislike. Most commonly intended to describe fruit or vegetables
whose shelf lives have long expired, but a pair of old tackies (sneakers)
worn a few years too long can be termed “vrot” by some unfortunate folk
which find themselves in the same vicinity as the wearer. Also a rugby
player who misses important kicks or tackles can be said to have played a
vrot game – opposite to a “lekker” game (but not to his face). A movie was
once reviewed with this headline: “Slick Flick, Vrot Plot.” Could also be
used as an expression” I got vrot last night” (drunk)

Rock up
To rock up is to just, sort of arrive (called “gate crash” in other parts
of the world). You don’t make an appointment or tell anyone you are coming
- you just rock up. Friends can do that but you have to be selective about
it. For example, you can’t just rock up for a job interview.

Scale
To scale something is to steal it. A person who is “scaly” has a doubtful
character, is possibly a scumbag, and should rather be left off the
invitation list to your next braai.

Ja-nee
“Yes No” in English. Politics in South Africa has always been associated
with family arguments and in some cases even with physical fights. It is
believed that this expression originated with a family member who didn’t
want to get a klap or get donnerred, so he just every now and then muttered
“ja-nee”. Use it when you are required to respond, but would rather not
choose to agree or disagree.

So ietsie prettigs vir ‘n Vrydag – en natuurlik die belangrikste van alles:

G O  B U L L E ! ! ! !

Pikkie het my getag om die reëls waarvolgens ek lewe, met julle te deel. Mmmm, toe nie so maklik soos wat ek gereken het nie, want ek dink dit verander soos wat mens ouer en wyser word. En dis miskien meer waarna ek streef, as wat dit is wat ek reeds uitleef. Maar ek probeer :

Doen aan ander soos wat jy wil hê aan jou gedoen moet word. As jy kan uitdeel, moet jy kan vat ook.

Doen alles met oorgawe en na die beste van jou vermoë. As jy huil, snik – as jy lag, laat die trane loop. As jy liefhet, bewys dit elke dag.

Vergewe as iemand wat jou te na gekom het, omverskoning vra. Oor en oor. Soms sukkel ek bietjie met die ene – veral as daar vertroue is wat verbreek was. Maar ek probeer om nie grudges te hou nie.

Lewe vir vandag – gister is verby, en more is nog ‘miskien’. Laat alles wat jy doen vandag, saakmaak – en iets vir iemand beteken. Dit beteken nie dat jy nie mag vooruit beplan nie.

Los ou koeie in die slote – bedek en begrawe. Tensy jy dit nog nie verwerk het nie. Doen dit so gou as moontlik, en beweeg aan.

Maak vrede met jouself en jou situasie. As jy nie van jouself hou nie, moenie verwag ander mense moet nie.

‘n Positiewe gesindheid kan berge versit – al glimlag jy net vir ‘n vreemdeling, het jy hom aangeraak – en miskien sy dag gemaak. Vriendelikheid kos niks nie.

Probeer om die snaaks raak te sien in enige situasie. Wonderlike manier om spanning te verbreek – werk selfs beter as om mense kaal te imagine!

Wees opreg wanneer jy iemand ‘n kompliment gee.

Laat jou woord jou eer wees.

Dra verantwoordelikheid vir jou dade.

Haal soms jou masker af.

En dan het ek hierdie erens raakgelees – en dis vir my mooi – miskien laat dit iemand beter voel

Sometimes we tend to be in despair when a person we love, leaves us, but the truth is, it’s not your loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who wouldn’t give up on them.

Die vloer is julle s’n ….

So ‘n wyle terug het julle die kans gehad om vir my so ‘n paar vragies te vra wat ek moes antwoord. Nou issit bietjie julle beurt – ek wil graag die volgende weet: (en ja – om regverdig te wees, sal ek dit eerste beantwoord)

1. Hoe oud sal jy wees oor 5 jaar? 44
2. Saam met wie het jy ten minste 2 ure vandag spandeer? My seun
3. Laaste fliek wat jy gekyk het? Angels & Demons
4. Wie was die laaste persoon wat jou gebel het? Student
5. Wat was die laaste sms wat jy gekry het?  Sit biki blush op jo wange, trek blommeki panti an & smeer jo lippe lekkapink; tease & gel jo hare stokstyf & lag met ‘n oopbek! DIS PARTY TIME!
   
6. Verkies jy bel of sms? SMS
7. Wat het jy gedoen laas nag 12 uur?  Met Chops en Dups gesels inni Kroeg
   
8. Is jou ouers getroud/geskei/oorlede? Ma is oorlede toe ek 13 was – Pa het weer getrou – twee keer.
   
9. Wanneer was die laaste keer dat jy jou ouers gesien het?  Kan rerig nie onthou nie
10. Wat is die kleur van jou oë? Groen
11. Hoe laat het jy wakker geword vanoggend? 08h45
12. Watse onderklere het jy nou aan? Geen
13. Wat is jou gunsteling Kersliedjie? Stille Nag
14. Brand jy bruin of rooi? Eers rooi
15. Wat is jou gunsteling seisoen? Lente
16. Wat is vir jou lekker van die winter? Kaggelvure, OBS en warm sjokolade
17. Waar het jy al oral gewoon? Ladybrand, Opuwa, Otjinene, Newcastle, Pretoria, Roodepoort, Evander, plaas naby Standerton, Welkom
18. Hou jy van Chinese kos? Ja
19. Weet jy hoe om poker te speel? Nee
20. Hou jy van ‘cuddle’? Ja
21. Ken jy iemand wat op dieselfde dag as jy verjaar? Ja en toevallig deel ons ‘n naam ook
    
22. Hoeveel tale praat jy? Twee – Afrikaans en Engels – kan so bietjie Duits verstaan
23. Verkies jy om by die venster of die paadjie te sit? Venster
24. Wat is die lui-toon op jou foon? ♫ Vat my bokkie, vat my vas ♪ Whahahahahaa!
25. Snork jy? Daar is gerugte daarvan, maar geen bewyse nie
26. Lover of ‘n fighter? Lover meestal
27. Kou jy aan strooitjies? Nee
28. Was jy ‘n oulike baba? Ek dink so …
29. Sing jy inni stort? Soms – As daar voëltjie saad in my youghurt was
    
30. Enige geheime talente? Uhm – nie wat ek wil deel nie
31. Het jy al sushi geëet? Ja
32. Het jy die fliek ‘Donnie Darko’ gesien? Nee
33. Gee jy om oor die osoonlaag? Nie rerig nie
34. Kan jy die alfabet agteruit sing? Nee – nog nooit probeer nie
    
35. Het jy al gevlieg? In ‘n vliegtuig? ja
36. Is ‘n huwelik in jou nabye toekomsplanne? Been there, done that, got the t-shirt
37. Hoe laat is dit nou? 22h17
38. Het jy ‘n bynaam? Ja, ‘n paar – Dellie, Delshie, Dells
39. Hou jy van Macdonald’s? Ja
40. Is jy bang vir die donker? Dit hang af van watse riller ek pas klaar gekyk het
41. Crunchy of creamy peanut butter? Creamy
42. Het jy al in ‘n ambulans gery? Nee
43. Waaraan is jy verslaaf? Die Internet
44. Hoeveel keer het jy tande geborsel vandag? Twee keer
45. Het jy al ge-ryloop? Nee
46. Wie se lewe beny jy? Ag, myne is nie te bad nie – sal dit maar so hou
47. Bespeel jy enige instrumente? Kan so effens klavier speel
48. Kan jy ‘n skaatsplank bestuur? Nee – whahahahaa
    
49. Hou jy daarvan om te kamp? Ja
50. Kan jy ‘moonwalk’? Nee
51. Dra jy nael politoer? Ja
52. Is daar iemand in jou lewe waarvan jy besonder baie hou? Ja
53. Wat word van verlore sokkies? Hulle vlieg met Mango na ‘n eiland genaamd ‘Moertoe’
54. TV advertensie wat jou die meeste irriteer? Die Robertson’s Chicken Spices ’skud hom bokkie, skud hom!’
55. Gunsteling muskiek groep / sanger op die oomblik? Nickelback en Judas Priest

OK – julle beurt!

Ek het my wind uit gelag met die voriges …. julle weet hoe werk dit …

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GO GO GO !!

Net nog een ding – weet iemand wdf is hierdie?

Miskien het julle al van hierdie gesien … kom ons maak dit prettig. Jy kies  ene, en verduidelik vir die res van ons hoe daar opge-eindig is op daai kodak moment …

UPDATE:

Ek het Sharpshoot se comments onder elke foto gesit sodat dit makliker is om te lees. Thanx Sharpie – briljant! Uhm – en voordat ek nou weer beskuldig word van voortrekkery … lees maar self …

Nommer 1 is heel duidelik wat gebeur as mens jou hare te veel met Organics was. Die groen skynsel is natuurlik van die appel geur af….
Kyk, even daai ou met die bosbaard langs die vrou met die Organics hare is naar….. jy kan sien hy kots in ‘n papiersak – al is sy baard bietjie in die pad.

Nommer 2 – IMO – Doritos is mos ‘n party snack – en die ou wat daai prentjie geteken het is EINTLIK MOERSE clever – en vreeslik bedagsaam;
a) Dit kan beteken dat Doritos so lekker is dat mens Die Riel of die Moemf-Vastrap sal wil dans.
b) Pasop om nie te veel chips te eet as jy suip nie – want dan sal jou pelle jou in die nuts moet skop om die Heimlich the doen as jy verstik.
c) Laaste maar nie die minste nie: As jy te veel van die chips eet gaan jy so dors word dat jy TE veel gaan drink – en dan gaan jy ‘n babbelas hê die volgende oggend wat gaan voel of iemand die HELE vorige aand op jou genitals gedans het.

Nommer 3:
Dis die moderne – “I’ll scratch your back and you scratch mine”
en dit werk so: “I’ll stick my finger down your throat so you can get rid of that last meal, and you do the same for me”
Dis eintlik maar net die supermodelle se skuld…. almal wil nou deesdae plankdun lyfies hê.
Skokkend.

Nommer 4 – Dis waar al die fietse wat deur die Bermuda Triangle ingesluk word heen gaan.

Nommer 5: Dis mos nou vanselfsprekend….. Dis Ko!bus Van die Hoenderman-faam se eerste foto saam met sy pêllie – Harry. Sien hier: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2nNjF8d7gE
Net hierna het hulle Namibië toe getrek.

Nommer 6: Ek het nie gedink die foto het die vuur oorleef nie… Dis een van die bekende Nederlandse Firefighters – Mens kan duidelik die Hard-Hat, Wood-Toe-Shoes en die Brandblusser wat soos per tradisie in die Luipervel Sakkie gebêre moet word.
Ek sê Nederlands want die sokkies gee hom weg….. kan natuurlik Duits ook wees – maar hulle dra eerder hul brandblussers sonder die sakkies.

Nommer 7 is ‘n Keeper: Dis die Chinese Briel-susters!
Hea-no Eval, Sea-no Eval en die nimlike Doa-no Eval!
Die sussies het treffers soos “I Ca Do Doa Do A Dear” en “Foo-king ina da Rayn” maar hulle het weghol sukses gesmaak met “I wanna sucka ona ya Lollipop”

Nommr 8 is sommer net simpel – waar in jou lewe het jy al Jellievisse met Baba-gesigte gesien!? Die Japanese vat die Tamgotchi nou daai een stappie te ver!

Nommer 9 is China se antwoord of die fenomeen wat so rukkie terug sy kop (lees gat) hier in SA en in verskeie state van Amerika uitgesteek het – jy weet – daai een waar die “Dude/ Homies/ Brothas” hulle boxers so bo die broek laat uitsteek?
Wel, die Chinese girls, wat bekend is daarvoor dat hulle hul oë altyd op ‘n skrefie hou mbt Westerse kultuur het besluit om hul eie spin op daai “Onderklere-Steek-Bo-Die-Klere-Uit” fashion-statement te doen – die foto spreek b(r)oek(ie)dele.

Nommer 10: Nou ja – in kru Afrikaans: As jy jags is moet jy ‘n dratie gaan ‘kap” in die sneeu!
Willem het duidelik soos ‘n Feral Animal in heat gepraat en Susan het hom uit gestuur om te gaan afkoel….. Die byl is saam vir ingeval dit ysbeer paar seisoen is – Kap af sy tottie!

Nommer 11: Die Huilgenoot artikel oor die affair wat die Tooth Fairy en Mary Poppins gehad het is toe al die tyd nie ‘n leuen nie!!! Die foto van Molar Ppoppins (seun van Mnr. T. Fairy en Me. M. Poppins) is geneem by die jaarlikse Cavity Umbrella Race in Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, Gauteng Oos.
Net na Molar se geboorte het Tooth en Mary weer saamgewerk op die treffer: “A Spoon full of Sugar” – maar Tooth is net daarna uit die Dental Society geskop want alhoewel ‘n “spoon full of sugar” die medisyne laat afgaan – maak dit ook die tande vrot.
Mary is net daarna daar weg met al Tooth se geld – en het haar groot treffer, “The Hills are alive” opgeneem! Mense bespiegel steeds dat sy Tooth se geld aan die einde van die reënboog begrawe het…. Die Polisie ondersoek (steeds) die saak maar Inspekteur Leonard Chuene was nie beskikbaar vir kommentaar nie – hy sluk nog swaar aan die Caster Olie…

Nommer 12:
Duidelik kan die gevalle Mnr. en Me. Tand Muis in die foto gesien word – Nadat Mary met Tooth se geld weg is het Tooth ‘n smerige affair met ‘n Muisie genaamd Rot gehad. Voorbehoeding was daar nie – en die Muisie word toe pregnant…. Tooth skree “ek ruik ‘n Rot” en hy is sy tweede vrou en kind in ‘n paar jaar kwyt!
Tand kon nie die vernedering van sy pa se gesuipery en sy ma se cheesy breath hanteer nie – en het verval in ‘n maalkolk van drugs en losbandigheid…. die foto van Tand in Drag is geneem op die 21ste jaarlikse Mice in Drag festival in Svalbard. Let op die tandeborsel…. Dis met daai borsel wat die tandmuis jou besoek as jy suip en dan gaan slaap…. vandaar die kak smaak in jou mond die volgende oggend.

Nommer 13: Die ou het duidelik ‘n Boot-fetish….. Of hy het ‘n Boot in die gesig gekry. Dit kan ook ‘n geval van Bootse-Masels wees. Of Water-Bootsies. Dit kan dalk ‘n opvolg op Hoenderman wees – genaamd Boot-man. Oorspronklik.

Dalk is dit net ‘n Boot-koppie met ‘n rubber-nekkie…

Nommer 14:
Dis hoe dit lyk as Lewis Hamilton gedrink het die vorige aand – een moerse F1 Race in die drive-way gehou. Of dit kan die Aliens wees…. maar dis f-ed-up – weet hulle dan nie karre like nie van op hul sye slaap nie. Freaks!

Nommer 15: WFT!? To read or not to read!
Lyk daai ou daar agter nie bietjie verdag nie? Dink julle hy is ‘n slawedrywer?
Wat dink julle, sê sy kinders ook vir hulle pêlle: “Bliksem Koos – my pa is ‘n regte slawedrywer!”
Ek sweer dis daai selle etter wat daai “Private sign” daar opgesit het. Is daai Private sign dieselle soos “No Entry – Private Drive-way”?

Nommer 16: Duidelik is daai hin “Iemand” in hin “Internet-Cafe” wat hin “celeb” is, en nie wil hê mense moet sien hy sit en kyk Porn nie. Of sy asem stink….

Hierdie is die storie van die ‘underdog”  … en met so ‘n bietjie hulp, kan dit ‘n fairytale ending hê …

Dellie

My vriendin wat saam met my werk het op ‘n buurplaas langs hulle op een of ander manier beland of te hore gekom van die gebreklike hondjie wat die swartes in die beeskraal gaan los het om maar net dood te gaan.  Yster is gebore met gebreklike voorpootjies en kan dus nie soos ‘n normale hondjie funksioneer nie.  Ons het vir hom wielietjies gekry, maar dit sal moet aangepas word vir hom. Spiertier en daarna die veearts het egter gesê prosteses sal beter werk, en Spiertier dink hy sal so iets kan prakseer.

Dit gaan maar broek knyp met almal, en omdat ek weet hoe julle klomp altyd uitreik het ek dit goed gedink om julle te nader, enige betalings wat gedoen moet word, moet direk aan die betrokke veearts of wat ookal gemaak word!

Yster is een in ‘n soort en ‘n regte klein vegtertjie en ek gun hom sy kans op oorlewing!

Yster het nodig om al sy inspuitings te kry – waarvan Muffia alreeds die eerste betaal het. (Thanx Muff – jou hart is groot) Hy sal ook gesterilseer  moet word wanneer hy gereed is daarvoor. Niemand van ons wil ‘n ‘fondsinsameling’ doen nie – die beste is net om die betrokke Veearts te kontak. Hier is sy besonderhede – as jy bereid is om te help, kontak hom direk asb. Hy sal ook dadelik kan bevestig hoeveel nog nodig is om Yster te help.

EK HET MET DR P LOOCK GEPRAAT EN HY IS HEEL GEWILLIG OM MY TE HELP MET OU YSTER EN Sê EK MOET HOM IN DIE KOERANT PLAAS OMDAT HY SO ‘N GROOT WILSKRAG HET OM TE LEWE
SY PRYSE IS R275 OP 6WEKE (reeds betaal – thanx!)  AS OOK OP 3MND EN R290 OP 6MND
EN HY Sê DIT SAL OP DIE EINDE VAN DIE DAG BETER WEES OM VIR YSTER OP 6MND TE KASTREER EN HY VRA R610.

DR P LOOCK
015 516 0992
082 877 3825

En dankie julle –  wie is ons dan om so ‘n gees te blus?

… the middle finger …

Well now … here’s something I never knew before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to share it with my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn’t history more fun when you know something about it?

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future.

This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow wat known as ‘plucking the yew’ or ‘pluck yew’.

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middel fingers at the defeated French, saying:

‘See, we can still pluck yew!’

Since ‘pluck yew’ is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative ‘F’, and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute!

It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as ‘giving the bird’. It is STILL an appropriate salute to the French today.

And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing!