Christmas Party

Kan iets so eenvoudig soos die reëlings vir ‘n Kerspartytije so hande uit ruk? Arme vrou! Hehe!

 

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November 2007
RE: Christmas Party

 

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols…please feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over R10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.

 

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
————————————————————–
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November 2007
RE: Holiday Party

 

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we’re calling it our ‘Holiday Party’. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?

 

Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline.
————————————————————–
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November 2007
RE: Holiday Party

 

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table…you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that R10.00 is too much money and Management believe R10.00 is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

 

Pauline.
————————————————————–
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November 2007
RE: Holiday Party

 

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs; perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party – or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets. Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements on the gay men’s table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress: no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food; we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply “No Sugar” desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

 

Pauline.
————————————————————-
FROM: Pauline Leis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November 2007
RE: The F****** Holiday Party

 

Vegetarian pricks, I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death”, as you so quaintly put it. You’ll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW!! I hope you all have a rotten holiday; drink, drive and die.

 

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
————————————————————–
FROM: John Bishop – Acting Human Resources
Director
DATE: 9th November 2007
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

 

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.

 

John

 

10 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    rb said,

    Ek voel omtrent soos sy. Altyd iemand wat iets anders wil hê sodat dit hulle moet pas. Hoekom reël hulle dit dan nie in die eerste plek self nie! By ons werk wil die baas se vrou nooit iets doen nie, maar sy is die eerste wat ‘n eiertjie lê oor die kleur van die servette, hoe die tafels geskuif is, waar is die blomme, ens.

  2. 2

    boendoe said,

    Siestog! Ek voel vir haar. Ek reken daar kan sulke gevalle wees. Alles moet mos nou tog soooooo polities korrek wees.

  3. 3

    Eben said,

    Ja dis nou tipies ons Suid Aaplanders!! (soos platkuif sal sê!!) 9 verskillende tale, 9 verkillende gelowe ……….. Klink soos een van SA paarties. Arme vrou!!

    Soet wees … ons kyk vir jou (he he )

  4. 4

    Roer said,

    Uitstekend! Ek weet hoe sy voel aangesien ek ons eindjaarfunksie meeste van die tyd moet reEl en ‘low and behold’ daar is ALTYD ‘n moangat. ‘n Mens kan maar net lag. Hierdie jaar het hulle vir ‘iets anders’ gevra, so toe reEl ek ‘n bootrit (sunset-cruise) met braai. Nou’s almal ewe skielik bang hulle versuip of kots heel pad. Ek het seesiek-medikasie by die apteek gereEl en ‘vlerkies’ vir die wat nie kan dryf nie, maar nogsteeds kerm dit. Tuff. Ek gaan myself geniet! (mits ek nie ook oorboord hang nie…)

  5. 5

    attie said,

    Moeilik om almal tevrede te stel. Arme vrou. Lyk my die geheim is: Delegeer!! As jy nie kan delegeer nie moenie volunteer nie!! As jy genooi word – waardeer dit wat iemand anders baie moeite mee gedoen het!!

  6. 6

    sonneblomseplekkie said,

    Hi Dellie,

    Dink daai vrou het ekstra 2 weke verlof nodig hehe. Ja wat sal mens sê nê, mens kan nooit almal happy hou nie. En dan gedra die helfde hulle nog soos varke ook…..ons mensdom darem.

    Groetetjies
    Sonneblom

  7. 7

    sonneblomseplekkie said,

    Hi Dellie,

    Jy al met verlof? Ek vir jou ietsie op my blog gesit…wanneer sien ons julle hum? hehehehe

    Groetetjies
    Sonneblom

  8. 8

    skoorblok said,

    Excellent! Sjoe, ek was skoon poot-uit toe ek deur dit alles gelees is!

  9. 9

    chase auto said,

    That’s an all ’round great post!!

  10. 10

    make money said,

    Thank god some bloggers can still write. My thanks for this blog post!


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