Really really bad jokes

Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head with a vase and he went T’PAU! I said “Don’t you mean KAPOW?” He said “No, I’ve got china in my hand.”

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

I went into a shop and said, “Can someone sell me a kettle?” The bloke said, “Kenwood?” I said, “Where is he?”

This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was ‘n turtle disaster.

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can’t remember his name, it’s P something T something R.

I visited the offices of the SPCA today. It’s tiny, you couldn’t swing a cat in there.

I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, “Nearest to the bull goes first.” He went “baah” and I went “moo”. He said “You’re closest.”

You invented Tipp Ex, correct me if I’m wrong.

I went to a petshop. I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?” The guy said, “Do you want an aquarium?” I said, “I don’t care what star sign it is.”

I was reading this book today, the History of Glue, and I couldn’t put it down.

I told my boyfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. He said, “Tenpin?” I said, “No, it’s a permanent job.”

I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, “You don’t need a tin opener to peel a banana.” He said, “No, this is for the custard.”

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said, “Analogue?” I said, “No, just a watch.”

I told my mother that I’d opened a theatre. She said, “Are you having me on?” I said, “Well, I’ll give you an audition, but I’m not promising you anything.”

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do splits. He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays or Thursdays.”

I went to the local video shop and I said, “Can I take out The Elephant Man?” He said, “He’s not your type.” I said, “How about Batman Forever?” He said, “No, you’ll have to bring it back tomorrow.”


11 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    ivorybar said,

    Hahahaha – lekker gelag

  2. 2

    Wondernet ®© ♂♪♥♀ & WP said,

    OK Dit was goed. HAHA 😆

  3. 3

    boendoe said,

    “couldn’t swing a cat in there” – 😆 😆

  4. 4

    Pikkelik said,

    😆 😆 Verspot! 🙄

  5. 5

    Tersia said,

    HA HA HA!! Dankie vir die lag wat ek nog by julle kan kry!

  6. 6

    Eben said,

    Gie gie dink as iemand depro is, en kom lees, dan verander hulle mood!! 😆

  7. 7

    White Knight said,

    Dagse Dellie

    Dankie vir die pot vol liggies om die dag op te vrolik. 😆


  8. 8

    Karl said,


    Superman vertel vir Batman van sy gelukkie toe hy oor Sandy baai vlieg en Supergirl kaal op haar rug sien lê. “Ek strip sommer in die lug en vlieg in haar in,” spog hy. Sjoe sê Batman, sy was seker verras. Nie soveel soos invisible man nie, sê Superman.

  9. 10

    spots said,

    more Dellie

    nice blog,wil ook net se dat botha uit die ic is,na die sluipmoordpoging, die boskakkers is weer op die been.

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